Un Stuck

Procrastination's search for Paradise

the source March 13, 2013

Filed under: Random and Raw — luci2nura @ 8:15 pm
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This is not the source of everything.
Indeed Allah is the source.
I stare out and hope.
This is the source of  never ending bags of laundry.
New friends.
Old friends.
Quran.
Experience.
Sunnah.
Language.
Culture.
Race.
Brothers.
Sisters.
Diapers.
Milk.
Shahadah.
Marriage.
Work.
Stress.
Opportunity for rewards.
Chai and Mandazi.

I shut the blinds and I am stuck but I have hope for take off.
Insha Allah.
Allah is the source and the one who sustains.

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Phoneography: empty benches, melting lake

Filed under: Fair Photos — luci2nura @ 7:27 pm
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I want to sit on that cold bench and look at the open space and talk to you.
I want to melt together like the lake.  I want you to listen and understand.
I will listen too.

 

My Eulogy – Originally written in 2003


It is always interesting to read something you wrote ten years ago.  When I came across this I knew this would be another dose of self realization.  Something we face and accept and in this case smile at.  Alhamdulilah, I am a Muslim.    This was written for one of my college courses.    We were to write the eulogy that we would want for ourselves and write a short reflection.  I share it exactly how it was originally written, except for my name which is edited for privacy.

My Eulogy
Luci**** ******* K*******, Luci.  A child of God whom we have lost to some great purpose of God’s.  We grieve because she was our mother, our wife, our sister, our friend, our teacher, our loved one.  She did not leave this world untouched.  Instead, she left if with a bountiful amount of love and laughter.  We remember her because of how special her interactions were with every single person she met.  We remember her because of her undying faith in God, that we could see in everything she did.  We could even say we remember her because of her undying sense of being “right” all the time.  We remember he because of her creative impact on every situation no matter how light or serious.  We remember her way of touching others, of touching everyone she could, touching their hearts in a way that impacted the way we think and live.  Touching our hearts in such a way that we will remember her forever.  So live, laugh, and love as she would, and as she would want us to.

Reflection
Right now in my life, I really don’t know where I am headed.  I am scared.  I do think I will fulfill most of this eulogy if not all.  One of my main goals is to be living the life God wants for me, be a wife and a mother.  The live, laugh, love thing is what others would say.  I think people would also remember how I interacted with people an touched their hearts.  Everyone who has ever met me would remember how I interacted with people and touched their hearts.  Everyone who has ever met me would remember the laughter I share with the world.

hijabified shadow on the snow

hijabified shadow on the snow

Present day reflection…
My, oh my!  I was planning as if I knew my life would be long.   I hope I have a better concept now of the fact that we have no guarantee to live a “full life”.  What is a full life anyways?  Wait a minute, I take that back!  We each live a full life, no matter when we die.   Allah created us to live a specific term in this life and we do not know what that is.  Anyways, the next very interesting thing I noticed is that I mention God many times, but never once do I mention Jesus as God.  I had already began questioning at that point.  Subonallah.  I see that I had almost too much confidence and self esteem, but looking back I feel I didn’t have that much self esteem.  I wouldn’t say I lack confidence or self esteem now but I am not as optimistic as then and the shape of my self esteem has changed.   The desire to be a wife and a mother and to teach others has not changed.  Alhamdulilah, I am a wife.  Insha Allah I will be a mother some day and teach my children.   I am proud that I have always had in my mind that I needed to live a life pleasing to God.  Masha Allah.  I know I wrote this in college but, I see how Allah cultivated me from very early on.  The whole “live, laugh love” thing is kinda cliche now, and to be honest, I know that’s not the reality of life now.  As much as we may want it to be or think it is,  its not.  Maybe in paradise it is.  I shall end with this…  I do share my laughter and my tears with the world.

 

Sticky blessings from my seminomadic inlaws March 9, 2013

Filed under: Fair Photos — luci2nura @ 7:02 pm
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A few weeks ago my husband couldn’t stop talking about his once a year treat that was about to arrive from “back home” in Ethiopia.   So just what is it that makes my husbands eyes light up and mouth water?   Dama…  better known to me as weird looking honey with chunks.  Last week when he heard the dama had arrived he went to go pick up our portion from my sister in laws and came home with a huge jug!  Yes a huge yellow jug of honey with chunks!  It doesn’t come in little jars shaped like a bear, not this kind of honey.  Once a year or so when our brother in law travels to Ethiopia he brings it back with him and we split it up and distribute it to a few other family members.  I had some plastic containers all ready to be filled with our sticky blessing and we got to work, and of course enjoyed a taste or two in the process.  “Dis is really really honey” my husband tells me as he offers me the first taste.  This honey is 100% organic, raw and about as original as it gets.  It is harvested from rural areas near Qarsa Duula and comes complete with bits of wax and bees.  During its travels  here to the US the honey starts to separate from the bits and pieces.  The smooth more pure honey sinks to the bottom of the jug and comes out last as we divvy up the dama.  “Dis is the best part” my husband proclaims, “you need dis, it’s healing”, and he goes on to tell me about the bees Allah mentions in the qur’an.

Our Lord revealed to the bees: “Build dwellings in the mountains and the trees, and also in the structures which men erect. Then eat from every kind of fruit and travel the paths of your Lord, which have been made easy for you to follow.” From inside them comes a drink of varying colours, containing healing for mankind.

There is certainly a Sign in that for people who reflect.

Qur’an, 16:68-69   Surah An-Nahl

(images captured with my pink cell phone)

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Dama, is a blessing that we don’t mind getting stuck with.

 

green anonymous musing – Statement of Theological Beliefs March 8, 2013


           I didn’t write what you are about to read.

I have had these few paragraphs saved in my files for a couple years now and I do not remember where I found it.  I searched for the  source of the following paragraphs but was unable to find a name.   The writer is a male who converted to Islam.

Statement of Theological Beliefs
With a clear conscience and with none of the mental torment on this issue that I had to face when I first started studying Islam, I can now state that I believe Jesus to have been an entirely human prophet of God, one of the greatest prophets of God and worthy of the utmost respect, but that he was neither an incarnation of God nor the Son of God. I believe Mohammed to have been a later (the last) prophet of God. And just as the true Christianity of Jesus’ genuine apostles in Jerusalem is the successor to Judaism, so is Islam, the final revelation of God’s word, the legitimate successor to and fulfillment of original Jerusalem-Jewish Christianity.

I would like to make absolutely clear that I did not convert to Islam because of a romantic relationship. The possibility of marriage to a Muslim woman was the spur, the catalyst, which sparked my initial investigation of Islam. But my conversion, when it came, was a sincere one, not one of convenience. It had to be sincere. I could not in good conscience have undergone a fraudulent one. Religion, God, is to important too be trifled with. One’s soul is at stake.

I rejected Christianity as it is known to us today because I no longer believed in the doctrine of Trinity and the claim that Jesus is God. I came to believe wholeheartedly in the oneness of God. And I judge this belief to have found its best expression in the religion of Islam. Whatever the future may hold in terms of personal relationships, I will continue to hold these beliefs.

Me too, Insha Allah.

 

yellow daffodils for Luci March 7, 2013

Filed under: Fair Photos,Luci — luci2nura @ 7:22 am
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photos captured using my (not so professional) phone

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cut

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water

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watch

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enjoy

 

From my mother, Susan.

 

what used to be March 6, 2013


I remember

Gail and I leaving just in time for you to be born
Your genuine soft heart
Your friendly smile
Your Salams, greetings to everyone
Watching you and her play
Your Takbir

Walking with you and playing in the hallway while your mama labored
Sitting on my lap during jummah
Watching you learn and grow, when you started to crawl
You pointing to show me the flower on your dress
Your sweet smiles and laughter
Your silly ways

Rollerblading with you down the street
Being greeted and tackled
Having a little sister
Your stories
You helping me and grandma, your special ability to calm your sister
Going to Tawfiq
Special treats
Seeing you be an example to the other kids at the mosque
Finding you wearing my clothes

Fiks classes
Being cupped
Helping me in my quest for a husband
Your Sambusa
Your support as I stopped medications
Giving dawah with you
Your stories
Your constant generosity
Clinics and hospitals

Your gratefulness
Your enjoyment of simple things
Your excitement to see me, every time
Sock reminders
Hair binder reminders
Learning organizational skills
Your signature thumb greetings
Your backrubs

Cooking with you
Seeing you pray
Doing dishes with you
Being motivated by your hard work
Your advice
Your stories
Your motherly affection and care
You adopting me

I remember all of you

I remember
Special treats after iftar
3 years of itikaf
SSKAH  (sisters seeking knowledge at home)
Spending time in the van
My first Eid prayer
Going to the zoo

I remember it all

I remember

{this post is dedicated to my muslim family, who I met the first evening of my first Ramadan}

 

 

 
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