Un Stuck

Procrastination's search for Paradise

My Eulogy – Originally written in 2003 March 13, 2013

It is always interesting to read something you wrote ten years ago.  When I came across this I knew this would be another dose of self realization.  Something we face and accept and in this case smile at.  Alhamdulilah, I am a Muslim.    This was written for one of my college courses.    We were to write the eulogy that we would want for ourselves and write a short reflection.  I share it exactly how it was originally written, except for my name which is edited for privacy.

My Eulogy
Luci**** ******* K*******, Luci.  A child of God whom we have lost to some great purpose of God’s.  We grieve because she was our mother, our wife, our sister, our friend, our teacher, our loved one.  She did not leave this world untouched.  Instead, she left if with a bountiful amount of love and laughter.  We remember her because of how special her interactions were with every single person she met.  We remember her because of her undying faith in God, that we could see in everything she did.  We could even say we remember her because of her undying sense of being “right” all the time.  We remember he because of her creative impact on every situation no matter how light or serious.  We remember her way of touching others, of touching everyone she could, touching their hearts in a way that impacted the way we think and live.  Touching our hearts in such a way that we will remember her forever.  So live, laugh, and love as she would, and as she would want us to.

Right now in my life, I really don’t know where I am headed.  I am scared.  I do think I will fulfill most of this eulogy if not all.  One of my main goals is to be living the life God wants for me, be a wife and a mother.  The live, laugh, love thing is what others would say.  I think people would also remember how I interacted with people an touched their hearts.  Everyone who has ever met me would remember how I interacted with people and touched their hearts.  Everyone who has ever met me would remember the laughter I share with the world.

hijabified shadow on the snow

hijabified shadow on the snow

Present day reflection…
My, oh my!  I was planning as if I knew my life would be long.   I hope I have a better concept now of the fact that we have no guarantee to live a “full life”.  What is a full life anyways?  Wait a minute, I take that back!  We each live a full life, no matter when we die.   Allah created us to live a specific term in this life and we do not know what that is.  Anyways, the next very interesting thing I noticed is that I mention God many times, but never once do I mention Jesus as God.  I had already began questioning at that point.  Subonallah.  I see that I had almost too much confidence and self esteem, but looking back I feel I didn’t have that much self esteem.  I wouldn’t say I lack confidence or self esteem now but I am not as optimistic as then and the shape of my self esteem has changed.   The desire to be a wife and a mother and to teach others has not changed.  Alhamdulilah, I am a wife.  Insha Allah I will be a mother some day and teach my children.   I am proud that I have always had in my mind that I needed to live a life pleasing to God.  Masha Allah.  I know I wrote this in college but, I see how Allah cultivated me from very early on.  The whole “live, laugh love” thing is kinda cliche now, and to be honest, I know that’s not the reality of life now.  As much as we may want it to be or think it is,  its not.  Maybe in paradise it is.  I shall end with this…  I do share my laughter and my tears with the world.


rediscovered writtings # 1 February 17, 2013

Filed under: Nura — luci2nura @ 8:16 am
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Bismilah, I begin in the name of Allah.

{this was originally written by me in November of 2010}


How I discovered this short book.    { Grave – Punishment & Blessings  Husayn Al-Awayishah }

I was getting a tour of the mosque and I picked this book up off the quran shelf.  It was my first day meeting with Abdulaziz to discuss me starting community service there.  He said I could have the book and that is was very good.  It is thin and short but the information it contains transends your heart, mind, and innermost fears.  In the next few weeks me and the sisters in the family that I was staying with, would sit together and each bring an excerpt from a book of islamic knowledge.  Each time we met I read a few more pages of this book to my sisters.  Tears and reminders of the moment our soul leaves our body and judgement day and relief of another day to worship Allah filled us.  I don’t think we had enough of these meetings… cause we didnt get through the short book.  But I had a chance to read it on my own.

Muslim brothers and sisters, you may say you have heard the hadeeths on this topic, you have read the translation of the quran and heard verses that speak about this topic, you have listened to a lecture about this topic… but I still recommend this book to you.

For my dear readers who are not muslim but are still reading this…  The concept of the after life in Islam has many similarities but at the same time vast differences than that of the concepts you may know or believe in.  This book will help you understand the Islamic understanding of the after life.

We are supposed to remind ourselves of the grave, death, judgement day, paradise and hellfire.  We should deeply contemplate it each day.   For me it acts as great encouragement to be grateful for each day and understand and remember how serious this test of life is and how serious our purpose in this life is.

Abu Hurayra reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Frequently remember the destroyer of pleasures. ie death. ” [at-Tirmidhi]

This book provides as a great reminder to keep on your book shelf and hopefully pick up from time to time and read.

Allah has blessed me with a great reminder of al akurah (the after life).  I now work in that mosque doing various tasks including with the funeral program.

The best part of this book isn’t even the main parts that explain everything from the moment your soul leaves you body to the moment you enter the eternal abode.  No, the best part is in the back of the book.  


The Epilogue –  Daily Islamic Life    

(its a reminder to me first….  i struggle to do even half of this list in a day )

  • Do you prar Fajir in the mosque everyday, in congregation? (brothers)
  • Do you observe every prayer in the mosque in congregation? (brothers)
  • Have you read any part of the book of Allah today? (quran)
  • After every prayer, do you recite dhikr (rememberance of Allah)
  • Do you observe the regular sunnah prayers (extra prayers)  before and after the  fard prayers (5 obligatory prayers)?
  • Did you concentrate on your prayer today and really think about the words you were saying?
  • Did you remember death and the grave?
  • Did you remember the last day and its terrors?
  • Did you ask Allah three times to admit you to paradise?
  • Have you asked Allah three times to protect you from the punishment of Hell?
  • Have you read anything from the hadith (collection of sayings /actions) of the prophet (peace be upon him)?
  • Have you thought about distancing yourself from bad gatherings?
  • Have you tried to avoid laughing and joking excessively?
  • Have you wept in awe and fear and reverence of Allah?
  • Have you recited the dhikr (rememberance of Allah) for morning and evening?
  • Have you asked Allah for forgiveness for your sins today?
  • Have you asked Allah sincerely for martyrdom?
  • Have you asked Allah to make your heart strong in faith?
  • Have you made the most of all the hours of the day, especially those in which it is encouraged to make extra prayers to Allah?
  • Have you bought a new islamic book from which you will learn more about your religion?
  • Have you asked for forgiveness for the believers? For every believing man and woman for whom you ask forgiveness for, there is reward.
  • Have you praised Allah for the blessing of Islam?
  • Have you praised Allah for the blessing of hearing, sight, reason… and all of his blessings?
  • have you given charity to the poor or needy?
  • Have you refrained from getting angry for your own sake, and only god angry for the sake of Allah?
  • Have you avoided being proud and arrogant?
  • Have you visited any of your brothers or sisters both by blood and by faith?
  • Have you prayed to Allah for your brothers and neighbours, and anyone else you are in touch with?
  • Have you treated your parents with love and kindness?
  • have you responded to any calamity by saying: “to Allah we belong and to Him is our return” ?

I want to add a few that are great for me and you…

  • Have you prayed your obligitory prayers on time or within the time frame?
  • Have you actively tried to forgive others who have hurt you / let go of grudges?
  • Have you avoided telling lies, backbiting, or commiting other sins of the tongue?
  • Have you lowered your gaze when around the opposite sex?
  • Have you been thankful to Allah and greatful to Allah?
  • Have you been doing wudu (ablution, washing) slowly and properly?
  • Have you called upon your Lord, Allah for help and support first… or your friends?
  • Have you used your time wisely?
  • Have you used your health and physical abilities wisely?
  • Have you used your money wisely?


I think its time to put this book back on its original shelf, the Quran shelf at the mosque.  Insha Allah someone will pick it up and remember.


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