Un Stuck

Procrastination's search for Paradise

He doesn’t know how stuck I get March 3, 2013


Who is HE ?  What did you get stuck in THIS time ?

Woah Nelly, Hold your horses.  Not so fast. Let me start from the beginning.

So,

I was sweeping the carpet in the office at work.  Yep, sweeping!  And suddenly…  Wait, wait, lets go further back into the story than that.

So,

Okay.  I admit I obviously  have some “sticking” issues with my emotions and things and ugh I won’t go into that now.   But anyways… in general I have been moody, temperamental, and easily agitated by even the simplest things.  The blunt, cold me is out.  Okay, was out.  (I think I locked her up for now) But listen, in the moment it all felt rational and I really was annoyed.  Which was shortly followed by guilt.   AAGGH Some innocent person was just forced to take a dose of me.  Astaughfrilla (God, forgive me).  Yeah, I’ve shared myself with quite a few people lately and I honestly can’t tell you if started today, yesterday or last month.  Yikes!  I have some tawbah to make (repentance).  I need to be more aware of me.   I guess my honesty here is me being aware, but its a little to late for that, come on Nura!  But, it actually isn’t to late because I learned something today while I was sweeping the carpet.

so,

I was finishing up and pushing my collection of staples, dirt, and paper scraps out to the hall.  Suddenly I hear a pop and I can’t see anymore because my glasses fell to the floor.  I reach down and find them, broken.  I felt around and located the lens that had popped out.  I inspect the frame only to find that tiniest screw in the world is missing.  “Oh boy”, I sigh.  I felt and looked around for just a few moments.  The brothers from upstairs were passing through at that moment and witnessed my lack of the ability to see without my glasses.  I decided to just tape the frame to hold the lens.  As I wrapped the tape around I griped, “Awe, I don’t have insurance” and got back to sweeping, not on carpet, but on the tile flooring right outside the office.  One of the brothers put his shoes on and I stepped out of his way.  I turned a moment later and saw him crouched down digging through the dirt and dust pile.  “I think I will see it with my eyes”, he said, “they are good”.   I tapped the door with my broom, “Oh, Masha Allah, I can’t even read the sign on the door ahead of me without my glasses”.   He stood up and said to me, “found it”.  He handed me the tiny peace of metal and walked away.  Alhamdulilah!  He found it.   That brother dug in dirt and rubbish to find the tiniest screw in the world, FOR ME… the moody one.   Oh, his kindness warmed my heart.  Instantly my spirit lightened.  So now, what can I do to spread the great feeling?  I can start by being more calm and not so quick to react I suppose.   Or maybe just assume the best of others despite my mood desire to spit fire.  But the moodiness has passed, for now anyways.   I am sure I will find an opportunity soon to do an act of kindness.  Until then I look back on what I learned today and I make towbah (repentance).

Oh, how nice it was to feel my heart and mind changing, just from an act of kindness.  It is contagious.  As Grandma would say “it really is”.

{this post it dedicated to Abu Sabar and the people closest to me.  I tend to build things up and dump it on them.  Now how is that for raw?}

 

 
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